“Hello my friends, and my family. Today I will write my farewell message to you on this WhatsApp group, a farewell to you and to everyone at Springs of Hope.
First of all I must thank you. You have been with me for ten years, in every step that I have taken. I am who I am today thanks to you, your guidance and influence in my life.
While escaping from my home in Shingal as a young child, I was the one who saw death in front of my eyes. I saw people dying. I heard the screams of death. I heard the silence in death. I learned what the sound of weapons sounds like before I learned the sound of music. I saw parts of bodies in the street before I had even kicked a football.
We made our way from Shingal in Iraq to the Kurdish Region which had opened its gates to all of us who were fleeing for our lives. The journey was dangerous, we were emotionally injured and terrified, but we made it to safety.
We found shelter in a school in Duhok for a few months until Shariya Camp was opened. The people of Duhok were kind to us, bringing blankets, water and food. They closed their schools in order to help us all. I will never forget this kindness in a time of deep shock and total confusion.
Ten years later, ten years of living in a tent and living with Springs of Hope, I still can not understand the things I experienced. I can not understand how such a catastrophe for our people happened. I would have never dreamed that such an evil, such a disaster is possible. Ten years later, I still have no answers. I guess I never will.
Sometimes you see “bad kids” in the camp. I want to tell you that I was one of those kids. Because my eyes and my ears were full of death, my thoughts and my actions were negative. The death that I witnessed somehow got into my soul and programmed me for not so good things. I do not want to think of where I would have ended up if I had not joined your organisation.
Yes I was one of the group who tried to stop Springs of Hope being established. I did not see any good in you, I only saw my bit of land outside my tent where I could play, being taken from me. I was the one who came up with the idea to cut down and tear out every fence you put up. I believed what I was doing was right, and yes we made some money from that. Please know that we never bought cigarettes.
You always knew that I was involved yet you never punished me. You did the opposite, you invited me and my friends, we called ourselves “The Mafia” for lunch. I remember that I asked to eat chicken, Adnan wanted fish. You cooked both. And I decided that I liked you, that you were not bad people trying to take from us, you really wanted to help us.
The next time that you put up the fence, it stayed. Well, you had beaten us by this time as it was made of concrete and steel. I was beginning to change, to see that there was a different perspective, and maybe mine was not so great. It was so hard to be thrown into a tent with nothing and no one to help or to provide answers. You showed me peace and stability from the time I met you.
After that wonderful and delicious lunch I registered for an English course with the dear and wonderful Sahla. From there to art with the talented and incredible Mr Salam, and then the course of my life with Maestro Natiq who gave me the sound of music that my soul needed.
Maestro became my big brother, for all of us Mafia. He opened up the world of music, flute, guitar, keyboard but way more than that he taught us about life. My negativity began to die and my thoughts became positive. I began to seriously prepare myself for life and discovered that living in a tent is not the end. It is a point on the journey of life. From the point where I joined the school of music I began to live a clean life. I separated from kids who, although young were already smoking and drinking. I took care of myself, went to bed early even when others were playing outside. My vision had changed, from death in front of my eyes, to life.
From the one who had annoyed the organisation the most, and caused the most problems, I became their darling. Well that applies both to Adnan and myself.
The one who pampered us the most and gave us everything was Miss Lisa. Once she saw how I was dedicated to music, always coming to practice, and spending all my free time inside the centre, she began to watch my progress on the sports field. Gradually I began to spend more time with the sports department and less with music as I knew that my future would be connected to sports.
Shex Sirwan, our coach, helped me to prepare for matches, he was following up on Maestro’s teaching for life. Shex helped me to find a goal, and fix my eyes on that in order to win a game. He taught me how to win and how to lose. He taught me how to process my emotions when losing a game. I had to learn how to lose.
Shex then made a tournament and I scored the most beautiful goal in the tournament. I made a speech about the game, about preparation for the game, about patience, discipline and commitment. I think it must have been an impressive speech, one that changed the course of my young life.
I do not know exactly what happened then but in my imagination this is what happened after my speech. Miss Lisa invited Coach to the office and said to him, “I think that we will give Azez a chance to become one of our professors, go and invite him.” I am sure their conversation went something like that.
He told me all the details of her offer, like a real football player receiving a formal contract and I said “Yes“ out of joy. I ran home to my tent and told my family. They didn’t believe me, well I didn't believe such a thing was possible. But a bit later we all believed them! I was young, the one whose eyes had seen only blood and now I was being offered something that was bigger than me, bigger than my dreams. My eyes were being given new vision. I was being given an opportunity.
Once they believed me, they told me that I am a smart and wonderful young man. Then I sat alone and said to myself “Wow, Azez, how your life has changed. I was the child with gunfire in my ears, with blood blocking my eyes. Now I have become a trainer for children younger than me, children who also know death and have no one to help them. You have been appointed to be their professor. This is a great honor and a great responsibility Azez.” Yes, in this way I talked to myself.
And then I said to God, “Thank you very much Sir, I appreciate you helping me and giving me this professorship.”
And now it is the time for me to go home, to return to Shingal, to go to university. So this is my last message to you. I will never forget how you brought me into your family and treated me like your favourite little one. I have now reached the end of my journey with you, although you will never be far from me. You will always be in my heart and be sure that the young man who I am today, the Azez of 2024 is thanks to your love, your care, your guidance and your correction.
This is my message of thanks and appreciation. I will mention some names, without discrimination between you because we have always been a family and always will remain so. Miss Lisa, Dr Saeed, Professor Musa, Maestro Natiq, Coach Sirwan and Miss Sahla.
Goodbye my family, goodbye my teachers. I will never forget you. I never expected to return to Shingal. I never expected to leave you. But it’s time to go home.
And now I will leave the WhatsApp group."
Azez Haji
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